I began chatting with this guy in 2004. I went to his office to request something, he was the one who attended to my request. After awhile, we started chatting online. We see each other around but never talked in person. I became good friends with his lady officemate. This friendship was in no connection with him.
Months after, they ordered food as they worked overtime. My friend asked him why he ordered so little. He announced for all his officemates to hear that he would have dinner with me. My friend told him she would inform me about it and did just that via a text message. He seemed to enjoy being teased about us by his officemates then. He never asked me out.
I got sick, I confided in him as he seemed trustworthy.
Then he had a girlfriend. Need I say that he found her online? The lady is an OFW. She came home to the Philippines for 3 weeks in summer, they finally meet in person. The day after the lady went back to work abroad, she called him up to inform him that she is engaged and about to get married to someone else. That was the end of their 5 and a half months of relationship.
My guy friend was very saddened by it. He confided in me over the telephone. Then he invited me to have dinner with him. We were both uneasy. He spends a few days out of town alone. This is nothing out of the ordinary as he constantly does it whenever time and finances permit. I asked him out to dinner and asked him about his weekend vacation. His face lit up. He described every little detail of his vacation. We both had a great time.
We started going out every two weeks, then weekly, then twice a week. I was very comfortable with him. He never took advantage of my “closeness” to him. Our typical night outs during the week was just dinner, strolling and a lot of talking. We talked about everything that came to our minds and answered every question we thought of. We also went out on Saturdays where we had dinner, saw a movie then strolled a lot. I let him take charge of everything whenever we went out. He pampered me well, he never let my plate be empty, entertained me with stories and always wanted to know what went on inside my head. This went on for 3 months. I hinted heavily all the while that I really like him. He was very cool about it.
Then he became busy in the office. I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t take the time off to spend with me even on weekends just like before but said nothing for 1 month. I felt he was brushing me off. I was hurt. I had so many stories to share with him but I wanted to do it face to face just like before. I sent him a bare-my-soul e-mail wondering what happened to our so-called relationship crying the whole time I was composing it. I didn’t stop at that. I removed him from all my online network connections.
Now, in retrospect, events occurred to prepare us both for our eventual separation. All chat networks have been blocked in the office.
He called me on the phone. He told me it was as if I severed him from my life. We patched things up. I dropped by his office just to make sure that things were ok between us. He was pleasantly surprised. Still, he never took the time to see me.
Just then, I don’t know if my sickness was returning but my left foot turned at the ankle again each time I stepped as I was wearing high heeled shoes. The only thing puzzling to me though was my sickness skipped a few stages. I cried for several days and nights out of fear in the office, as I was commuting, and when I was alone. As he was one of my confidantes before, he was the first person I told about my dilemma. He was very sympathetic but we never went out again.
I shared my story with my lady friends. At first they did not pay attention and just changed topic whenever I brought it up. When I consistently told them I was sad, that was when they shared their experiences.
They wisely told me to just wait patiently and that relationships go through that stage. One even enumerated the things that would happen accurately from the time we got close, the cooling off period without explanation that would hurt me, me asking him about it, he not wanting to talk about it, me hinting that I need explanations, he shutting me out, the more I pressed him about it, the more he never wanted to talk about it. Another lady friend even told me a very wise quotation, “When men say no, that is the end of conversation. When women say yes, that is the start of negotiation.”
My lady friends reminded me that they warned me from the start going out with him consistently would entail emotional investment. They likewise told me that they guided me throughout the process. Then they told me that they understood no matter how much advice they would give me, I wouldn’t understand it unless I go through the process.
For all it’s worth, I think the magic was real for both of us but I became impatient in not seeing him for 3 months now. I did the most common stupid things most women did. I was the typical female, he the typical male. The final straw that broke the camel's back for both of us, so to speak, was my fear of the relapse of my sickness. However, contrary to how these relationships end up, I honestly think we’ll be very good friends again eventually as we were just that, no more than good friends.
