Christmas party plans

Come to think of it, this is not the first time I'll be joining my former office's Christmas party as a guest. In DLSU, I continued joining the parties in Vibal. When I went there, it was as if I never left. My reunion with them at those times were truly special.

Last year was my first Christmas season in my present office. Annually, the office receives plenty of delicious foods from various offices and people.

Last week, I chatted with a friend from my former office. I joked that maybe she would like to invite me to their Christmas party. She took it seriously and told 2 more of our common friends. As a result, they will share the payment for my attendance in their Christmas party dinner. Traditionally, guests judge the performances of each group. After dinner, who knows where we'll go.

I know it will be a lot of fun. I'm really looking forward to it.

My Special Day This Year

It was my birthday yesterday. Finally, I was able to enjoy it the way I wanted to in the last 5 years or so.

Monday after office, I attended the Singles for Christ (SFC) Christian Life Program (CLP) at La Salle. My birthday was announced. I just treated 4 of my friends to fast food. They asked me how I would celebrate THE DAY. I told them I plan to stay in bed all day. At exactly midnight, I received a text message from a good friend. When I got home, I watched a few episodes of Friends on DVD. Then I received another greeting at around 1:30 am. I slept at 2:00 a.m.

On the day of my birthday, there was light rain. I was so lazy waking up but I got up then went to MOA. When I checked my phone, I already received a number of text messages. As I told my friends that I had no special plans for THE DAY, they thoughtfully asked if I wanted to do lady stuff like have a facial treatment. I politely told them I was already out of the house. I had a set meal for one at The Aristocrat, watched the movie Body of Lies, had coffee and cake at Seattle's Best while I played Sudoku, attended mass at La Salle, went home and continued the DVD marathon.

Finally, I was able to enjoy my birthday without pressures of going out with family and friends and doing the things I want to without consultation with anyone. I truly appreciate their presence in my life but I felt that this year, I just want to keep my special day to do as I pleased when I wanted to. It was my simplest birthday.

Would I want to do it in the exact manner next year? I'll see what I am in the mood for when that time comes.

Reflection for the Day

I attended a very personal retreat a few years back where there were no agendas set by the organizer and the retreatant was in total control of the topic and the pacing of events for 2 and a half days.

One of the things my retreat master told me was the Web site Sacred Space. It is a great way to start my day. My thoughts, words and actions would have a guide when I took the conscious effort to do so.

This one is really nice.

Prayer is its own reward to the extent that we always receive when we pray. We are closer to God’s love and the door is always opened to new hope and new confidence in our lives. We may not get all we want, or specific things we ask for. We get what God wants to give at the time for the good of our lives. What we are always given in prayer is God’s Holy Spirit with whatever gift of the Spirit we most need at the time.

Hope the site touches you the same way I was inspired.

My Summer Infatuation

I know, summer in the Philippines is in the months of April and May. It is in the US where summer occurs in June to August. Still...

I began chatting with this guy in 2004. I went to his office to request something, he was the one who attended to my request. After awhile, we started chatting online. We see each other around but never talked in person. I became good friends with his lady officemate. This friendship was in no connection with him.

Months after, they ordered food as they worked overtime. My friend asked him why he ordered so little. He announced for all his officemates to hear that he would have dinner with me. My friend told him she would inform me about it and did just that via a text message. He seemed to enjoy being teased about us by his officemates then. He never asked me out.

I got sick, I confided in him as he seemed trustworthy.

Then he had a girlfriend. Need I say that he found her online? The lady is an OFW. She came home to the Philippines for 3 weeks in summer, they finally meet in person. The day after the lady went back to work abroad, she called him up to inform him that she is engaged and about to get married to someone else. That was the end of their 5 and a half months of relationship.

My guy friend was very saddened by it. He confided in me over the telephone. Then he invited me to have dinner with him. We were both uneasy. He spends a few days out of town alone. This is nothing out of the ordinary as he constantly does it whenever time and finances permit. I asked him out to dinner and asked him about his weekend vacation. His face lit up. He described every little detail of his vacation. We both had a great time.

We started going out every two weeks, then weekly, then twice a week. I was very comfortable with him. He never took advantage of my “closeness” to him. Our typical night outs during the week was just dinner, strolling and a lot of talking. We talked about everything that came to our minds and answered every question we thought of. We also went out on Saturdays where we had dinner, saw a movie then strolled a lot. I let him take charge of everything whenever we went out. He pampered me well, he never let my plate be empty, entertained me with stories and always wanted to know what went on inside my head. This went on for 3 months. I hinted heavily all the while that I really like him. He was very cool about it.

Then he became busy in the office. I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t take the time off to spend with me even on weekends just like before but said nothing for 1 month. I felt he was brushing me off. I was hurt. I had so many stories to share with him but I wanted to do it face to face just like before. I sent him a bare-my-soul e-mail wondering what happened to our so-called relationship crying the whole time I was composing it. I didn’t stop at that. I removed him from all my online network connections.

Now, in retrospect, events occurred to prepare us both for our eventual separation. All chat networks have been blocked in the office.

He called me on the phone. He told me it was as if I severed him from my life. We patched things up. I dropped by his office just to make sure that things were ok between us. He was pleasantly surprised. Still, he never took the time to see me.

Just then, I don’t know if my sickness was returning but my left foot turned at the ankle again each time I stepped as I was wearing high heeled shoes. The only thing puzzling to me though was my sickness skipped a few stages. I cried for several days and nights out of fear in the office, as I was commuting, and when I was alone. As he was one of my confidantes before, he was the first person I told about my dilemma. He was very sympathetic but we never went out again.

I shared my story with my lady friends. At first they did not pay attention and just changed topic whenever I brought it up. When I consistently told them I was sad, that was when they shared their experiences.

They wisely told me to just wait patiently and that relationships go through that stage. One even enumerated the things that would happen accurately from the time we got close, the cooling off period without explanation that would hurt me, me asking him about it, he not wanting to talk about it, me hinting that I need explanations, he shutting me out, the more I pressed him about it, the more he never wanted to talk about it. Another lady friend even told me a very wise quotation, “When men say no, that is the end of conversation. When women say yes, that is the start of negotiation.”

My lady friends reminded me that they warned me from the start going out with him consistently would entail emotional investment. They likewise told me that they guided me throughout the process. Then they told me that they understood no matter how much advice they would give me, I wouldn’t understand it unless I go through the process.

For all it’s worth, I think the magic was real for both of us but I became impatient in not seeing him for 3 months now. I did the most common stupid things most women did. I was the typical female, he the typical male. The final straw that broke the camel's back for both of us, so to speak, was my fear of the relapse of my sickness. However, contrary to how these relationships end up, I honestly think we’ll be very good friends again eventually as we were just that, no more than good friends.

Office Blooper

My boss had been quite busy with meetings the past two weeks. As a result, the processing of requests for sponsorships was delayed.

I am tasked in the office to file processed papers and make phone calls to relay regrets for denied sponsorships.

One of those who requested laughed when I told him the message. It turned out, the event was held in September 16.

We both had a good laugh.

Is it just September 2008?

What a year this has been so far!

Personally, 2007 ended on a high note as I experienced a great miracle. I got well from an incurable disease. Thank God, I have been free from taking the prescription medicine for that sickness and still my mind and body are functioning as efficiently as ever.

At that time, my faith in God was at an all-time high. I was positive that nothing will ever be impossible for me as I can personally ask God for anything, work hard for it, and request trusted friends to include me in their prayers.

One of the first things I did was to dream of becoming a diplomat. Was I inspired at that time! I had a clear definite goal and a good plan to achieve it -- learn Spanish, enroll in the review school, pass all the 4 exams. As a third language was part of the exam, I enrolled in Spanish classes. Even though I knew there would be an overlap between the last two weeks of Spanish classes and the first two weeks of the diplomat exam review classes, I pushed through with it. It was ok for me that I had no idle time even after classes were over as I was very busy reading all the materials, the newspapers, and international political magazines, and watching all local and international news on TV. Then I failed the first test, the IQ exam.

I can still recall how directionless I felt then. Admittedly, I wanted to be a diplomat because I am still single. I reasoned, since I would grow old alone, I might as well offer my life to worthy causes marketing the Philippines and providing service to Filipinos all over the globe. Then I failed the IQ exam. I could retake it next year, I don't know if it is plain sourgraping on my part but I don't want to go through that again.

Toward the end of the review classes, I started getting close with a guy I've been chatting with online since 2004. We both enjoyed semi-fine dining on international cuisines, started hanging out twice a week (at its most frequent), then he got very busy with work. I looked forward to face-to-face conversations with him at this time that I stubbornly refused sharing stories with him online. Sad to say but as I was waiting for the time we would see each other again, he just resumed his life pattern before he knew me. I was hurt, sent him a succinct email, he was hurt by it, we talked on the phone to patch things up, I dropped by his office unannounced. I think it was the clean break both of us wanted though I will never know the reason he wanted the break in the first place. This happened in a span of 4 months.

Others may wonder if I had a job all this time. Of course I was never out of work. It's hard to believe that I entered the office only in February 2007. I likewise got close to a mommy in the office who was just 3 years older than me. She filed for early retirement in February effective June. From February to June, she betrayed all my confidences and passed on her work load to me without proper orientation. In comparison to my previous jobs, I am compensated well enough in this office. I didn't mind giving out financial assistance to my brothers. As their family finances was not that good this year, I was only glad that I could help them. Now, my savings is smaller compared to last year's.

I told my friend last night that I felt 2008 was a trying year for me but I can't really complain as I bounced quickly after the setbacks. I feel that the good Lord was slightly harsh in molding me in several ways this year. Definitely, I was shaped by all of this year's events more than ever. I sincerely hope that this year would still end up the best way possible.

Comments, anyone?

Once bitten, twice shy

This past week, I read the latest bestseller pocketbook for teens, Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. It was a good way to spend idle time after I learned I failed the IQ exam. I think my pride is not yet over this so I cannot write about the topic in full length just yet. It’s just that I was so sure it was my destiny! I told all of my friends and family about it and prayed for it passionately. To say that I listened attentively in each class is an understatement! I established friendly ties with my classmates as I was positive they would be my colleagues as a diplomat.

Then I failed the IQ exam. The long and short of it is, I’m not good enough. Most of my friends and classmates urge me until now to retake it but as the cliché goes, “Once bitten, twice shy.” That’s all my pride can handle for now.

As I am writing this, only clichés enter my mind. Reading the review materials and supplements amaze me with “learning things I never knew I never knew” (line from the song Colors of the Wind). I liked the self-motivation of pushing my abilities beyond the limit. Well, as they say, the rest is history.

Recently, a good friend wanted me to watch the Food Network on cable so we have common ground as an interesting conversation starter. I tried, truly, but I have lost taste in spending much time in front of the TV, hence, this blog post. I dropped by a bookstore before going home and looked for a copy of New Moon (by the same author), the second instalment to the saga. I was informed that the stock would arrive some time tonight. I will definitely buy it tomorrow.

For now, I am back to killing time after office by watching the news, going online, reading pocketbooks, and updating my blog.

I took the IQ exam this morning

So much has happened since my last post. It just goes to show how busy I have been lately. During the Holy Week, I went to Puerto Galera for 4 days and 3 nights with 2 former officemates one of whom brought along her 2 chidren. The following weekend, I went to postcard-perfect view Mount Pinatubo. The scenery was just breathtaking!

However, these were just the breaks in between my Saturday review classes which started on April 5 until June 21. Have I ever mentioned this is right after my Saturday Spanish classes which started February 9 until March 29?

I literally scanned three 2-inch GMAT, SAT and GRE reviewers every now and then whenever I felt like it. I bought the GMAT reviewer, 2 thoughtful friends lent the other reviewers to me. I actually felt greedy to get my hands on their reviewers plus the fact that I didn't have the heart to turn down their offers. As early as Monday last week, I have been sending text messages to friends and family to pray for me. The entire time, my emotions swung from feeling totally nothing to panic in a matter of second without triggers. By Friday last week, it dawned on me that an IQ exam gauges if my mental capacity is good enough for the job or not.

I went on vacation leave on Friday, attended mass with my mother at Quiapo Church as it is its weekly feast day, and went to the venue still with my mother. I went to sleep at 10 pm last night so I would wake up refreshed, not! I woke up past 12 midnight and wasn't able to go to sleep till before 4:00 am. My mom woke me up at around 4:20 with breakfast ready.

I was thinking of how I would indulge myself after the exam, maybe buy a magazine then stay in a coffee shop to read then watch a movie when my mother told me she would wait at the venue until after the exam. I arrived at the venue and entered the classroom where I was assigned in plenty of time before 7:00 am, the time we were expected to be at the venue in the exam permit.

At the start, I was quite confident with the answers I chose. After an hour and 30 minutes, I felt the tension in my neck and shoulders. I finished the exam at 10:45 and promptly left the venue. My mother and I had lunch at Robinson's Place-Malate then went home.

I'm still waiting to feel panicked about the result of the exam but honestly, I am as calm as I can be. Well, now it's all in God's hands. All I can do is wait patiently for the result to come out 3 weeks before the written exam as an acquaintance informed me. Until then...

While on Programmed Sick Leave

Last Friday, I went on programmed sick leave in the office. Finally, I was able to submit my foreign service officer exam requirements to the DFA. I went to the Central Post Office to get self-addressed stamped priority mail envelopes, then off to SM Manila for pictures of various sizes, crossed the street to the Manila City Hall to have my application notarized, then off to the DFA.

I thought I had more than enough copies of the required documents. It turned out, the instructions were really ambiguous. As the cliche goes, all's well that ends well. They accepted my documents and I now have the school assignment where I will take the exam on May 4.

Disaster Preparedness

Last Thursday, I was tasked to attend the disaster preparedness seminar as representative of our unit. I didn't want to attend it, at first, as I preferred working in our room. Was I glad I obediently followed my boss. I attended talks on fire, earthquake and tsunami rescue operations.

The following day, I was on sick leave. My boss covered day 2 of the seminar for the company newsletter. She told me this morning that it was too bad I wasn't around then as the speaker was so cute.

Today, there was a fire drill complete with real firemen, fire truck, extinguishers, smoke, "victims," search and rescue team, and my unit, the medical team. They required me to use the fire extinguisher and the fire hose.

Saying that I learned a lot in the seminar is an understatement.

Sudoku Loco and Tabloid Crosswords

My mental exercises every morning is to solve at least one easy to medium level Sudoku puzzle and tabloid crossword puzzles everyday. It is as if my day is not complete without these rituals =)

The First Step

I went on programmed sick leave yesterday (har! har!) afternoon to enroll in basic Spanish class. I was surprised myself with my determination to be a diplomat.

I tell all my good friends about my plan. I feel so blest that they are all supportive.

I want to be a diplomat

I cannot exactly recall how and when I knew of the Foreign Service Officer (FSO) exam. All I remember now are bits and parcels of my dream to be a diplomat. There were times I searched for the exam schedule only to find out that I missed it by a few months already. I once asked an officemate who took the exam a few years back. He told me a brief overview. Then I saw a review class for it. I inquired through e-mail a few weeks before it started only to be answered by the coordinator a few days after the class began.

I attended a meeting once where I met someone who knows a former schoolmate who works for the Department of Foreign Affairs. She told me that my schoolmate, a licensed FSO, has already been posted abroad. I searched for my schoolmate's e-mail and sent her one promptly. I told her that I am inspired by her achievements since high school graduation. She promptly replied and told me to take the FSO exam.

That was when I literally became obssessed with it. I looked for information about it on the internet. Now I know that the FSO exam has a 90% mortality rate. This is even higher than the bar exam's mortality rate! the exam is divided into 3 parts. I learned that yearly, an average of 3000 applicants take the first exam. It is an SAT type but at this early stage, only around 300 pass to take the second set.

I saw blogs of 4 Pinoy diplomats. One posted rephrased questions which were given in 2006. The other 3 shared their lives as FSOs.

From then on, I subscribed to a newspaper, bought an SAT reviewer, read whichever is the better issue between Time and Nesweek magazines for the week, and regularly visited the Web sites of the World Economic Forum, ASEAN, and World Trade Organization. I likewise stopped watching sine-serye because the time I have to read and be updated about all possible exam questions is never enough. Now, I literally have no idle time among working, preparing for the FSO exam and my part-time job.

I told my friends about it and I'm overwhelemed by their support. For example, my friends and I still talk about trivial office and showbiz gossip once in a while but now our conversation topics focus more on world and Philippine affairs.

As I become more updated with Philippine political news, my desire evolved from being a diplomat to helping the Philippines in all ways I can. It could be that I am already thinking of an excuse should I fail the SAT type of exam but I am truly saddened by the turnout of most of the events in the Philippines. I sincerely want to help improve Philippine society as I feel that Filipinos can excel in any field of his/her choice. I want to market the Philippines to the world that we are a race of brilliant minds and loving hearts.

Cyber Relationships

A little backgrounder on me... I worked in a university Web site for more than 4 years. I practically had access to most, if not all, internet technologies. I have been using the computer in my work 8 hours a day 5 days a week since 2002. But that's even disregarding working with my computer 6 days a week for an average of 13 hours in 1999-2002. The point is, I use the computer to get things done in my work!

I belong to about 8 e-groups to get in touch with friends and to learn the latest trends and events in the industries I belong to. Though I was a Web writer, I had this blog fairly recently. I also chat with friends though it is blocked. I looked for ways to work around the firewall.

I have been a friendster member for several years already. A day doesn't pass without me sending an e-mail to a friend or to an officemate. I read online news everyday.

I am not tech savvy but I definitely know how to use communication technologies.

I'm just amazed that I have two of the most serious friends who have found love on the internet!
And these people are not the young ones either. One is a 40-year old guy and the other is a 35-year old lady. The guy is the most quiet person I know, while the lady is a university professor.

Come to think of it, I shouldn't be surprised that the guy "connected" with a lady on the internet. After all, I knew of the personal details about him through asking him while we chat. Things he wouldn't have told me in person, that's 100% sure. I wouldn't have dared ask him in person as well because he doesn't say much. He presently has a girlfriend by randomly selecting a beautiful person on friendster and chatting with her over a webcam.

As I said, the lady is a 35-year old university professor. She is very selective of her friends because she is a very private person. This lady met her present boyfriend over friendster as well.

I personally add guys as friends over friendster though I don't know them. As far as I'm concerned, that's as bold as I can be over friendster.

Someone asked me if I chat with guys I don't know. I honestly answered that unless referred by a common friend, I don't chat with strangers.

Should I take a lesson from my good friends? That's a thought!

Name your blessings

I attended the January 2 mass at the office. The priest had a nice homily. He said that we shouldn't simply count our blessings but we should name them as well. I tried it and I became more appreciative of the things I have.
Off the top of my head, these are the blessings I received in 2007:
1. I personally experienced a miracle. I got well from an incurable disease.
2. My prayers started to evolve into responsive conversations with God.
3. God made it easy for me to spread His love by letting a good number of people know that it is alive and present everywhere.
4. I finally understood that God's gifts are given by a loving father, that I shouldn't be afraid of accepting His gifts. They are given out of genuine love.
5. I presently have a better paying job. I am able to share my blessings and still have enough to enjoy life and for my security.
6. In addition to my full-time job, I had several part-time jobs that had reasonable working hours and paid enough, considering my lifestyle, at least.
7. I continue to have meaningful friendships. Old friends started getting in touch with me again. I gained new friends.
8. I travelled out of town and abroad with family and friends.
I'm sure this list will get longer and be more meaningful as I reflect on the topic. The prayer that keeps on entering my mind now is the Serenity Prayer:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.